Yesterday I picked up the book Please Stop Laughing At Me. I hadn't heard much about it but after I read the synopsis on the back I thought this book would be right up my alley and that I would really learn a lot from it.
I finished it this afternoon. No babies starved during this time so please do not worry. :)
The book retells the story of a young woman who was tormented physically and emotionally by her school peers from 5th grade until she graduated high school. It makes me sick to type that. Reading her graphic details of the kinds of things bullies said and did to her made me angry and I found myself telling her to go kick some tail. I understood how she felt. While I was not teased mercilessly as she was, there were many instances when girls picked on me for absolutely no reason. Really, absolutely none.
When I was in elementary school I had really long hair. It was like down to my waist long. I had one friend who decided that I was concieted. She told everyone that I thought I was better than them and her reason for that was because I kept fiddling with my hair. I thought that so ridiculous and I told her so. But she kept at it and then she started calling me ugly to my face and behind my back. I was so distraught I just didn't want to even look at her or face her.
There was another incident in the third grade that absolutely horrified me. There was a boy in school that liked me, we will call him O. He spread a rumor that he and I were in the boys bathroom together and that we did things that third graders should not even know about! I was mortified. Kids were constantly coming up to me and asking me if I really did that with him, which of course I denied bit it seemed like they didn't believe me. Apparently he had given "details" whatever they were and kids bought it. Even my best friend believed him. When I asked her why she simply told me "why wouldn't I?". Crushed, I confided to my mom who was so disgusted she contacted the principal.
In 6th grade I wanted to be cool. Unfortunately, I picked the wrong crowd to befriend. These kids already did things like smoke, drink, and sex that the longer I hung around I could see that I just didn't fit in. And since teens are so perceptive, they could tell I didn't fit in. There was one girl, we will call her L, who really didn't like me. I didn't even know who she was until she decided to pick on me at sixth grade camp. She said in front of everyone in our cabin that she didn't like me, she thought that I was trying too hard and that I thought too much of myself. She even tried to get some of the other kids to beat me up!!!
In eighth grade I was in an educational video called Cliques, Who's In, Who's Out. Ironically I played One of the cool kids who decides to pick on another girl just because she was different. Guess who else was in the video?Yes, L. And she was trying to give an answer as to why some kids pick on other kids and she actually said it was wrong to do that. I almost died because at the time she was still picking on me. Ha!!!!
Fortunately, I had developed a thick skin and found friends whom I could truly relate to and didn't feel like I had to be someone different in order to fit in. High school came and it was awesome. The college years were the best as I truly blossomed into the woman I am now. I always feel for the kids who are picked on. I was never "popular" although you could say that I was for the most part, with a few exceptions, liked by my peers. But I experienced times when all I wanted to do was beat up the person who picked on me one too many times. Sometimes, even as an adult, I find myself moving on the defensive whenever anyone tries to insult me or those I love. My sister's and my brother have also experienced bullying. My brother is entering his freshman year in high school and he has by far experienced the worse of the bullying. Kids try to beat him up. The teachers and principal have rarely stepped in to stop it and my mom finally told the board that if they didn't protect him he would have to do it himself. And she means fight back. And he has. By the way, the school knows who my parents are. My parents don't mess around. I am so fortunate that I had them to help and fight for me when things go too hard to deal with alone. I know a lot of kids who are bullied don't want their parents involved because they fear it will make things worse. And sometimes it can. But my parents can be scary so I never worried about things getting worse.
What about you? Did you experience bullying when you were younger? Have your wounds healed or are the scars still so deep it is hard for you to forgive your tormentors? Or if you are willing to be honest, were you the bully? Have you ever sought forgiveness from those you picked on?
Tiff
